i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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