oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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