I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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