The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
