I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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