I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
