ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
