We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
