And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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