Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
