its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
