she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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