is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
