So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just gargled with NyQuil
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