making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
