I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
