I think im going to throw up on grandma
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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