Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
