dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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