i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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