perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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