I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
