I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Let's get the cat blown out
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
