There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
