do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
