She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
