Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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