this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
its liver damage thursday
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
