Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
