I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
