Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
