i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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