I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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