So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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