he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
