Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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