margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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