the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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