we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
