I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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