I got chris browned last night
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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