That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
