it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize