your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
