So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
