I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
