You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
