my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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