i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
