i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
