I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
