omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
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he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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