I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
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Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.