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• (240): View more from Maryland

  EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.

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• (925): View more from California

  I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.

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  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (440): View more from Ohio

  i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.

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• (858): View more from California

  You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...

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• (714): View more from California

  I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging

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• (509): View more from Washington

  btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  gifts from me to you. you're welcome.

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts

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• (801): View more from Utah

  He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue

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• (707): View more from California

  I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  :(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.

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