I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
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she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."