i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?