And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand