I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
