WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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