I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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