well you can't waste a boner
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
