i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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