yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
