i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
