How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
