threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
