Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
