i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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