New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize