And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
